Where Are My Love Letters?

Walking with Indie the other morning, I asked Holy Spirit how he was.

"I’m grieved.” I felt him answer. “This is more of a checklist for you. Something you feel you ‘have’ to do.”

And sure enough, he wasn’t wrong.

Holy Spirit used Indie to illustrate sitting at His feet.

I used to enjoy my morning walks and talks with Holy Spirit, but found I’d stopped doing it at some point for some unknown reason. Maybe it got too hot outside in the morning or I was rushed to get stuff done before my kids woke up and didn’t want to wake up even earlier.

Or maybe I just got used to running the show myself and didn’t want to seek his advice or counsel.

Not surprisingly, I’ve felt down, unmotivated, and overwhelmed, which leads to me being cranky, withdrawn, angry, and resentful.

Not a winning combination now that I’m looking at it in black and white. And it seems pretty obvious when I spell it out like that, but I’m dense and hadn’t made the connection until recently. Or maybe possibly just right now…

But something happened at our conference this year. There was a moment where I thought, “Oh, that just marked me. Something is different.”

And it did and it is.

Not as a conference after glow, but a real shift. Something was unlocked and I can’t really explain it just yet.

But as a result, I picked up my morning walks again with Holy Spirit and Indie.

It was on this first walk, with not an ounce of shaming in it, I felt him ask, “Where are my love letters? You used to write me all the time. I miss them.”

And I cried.

They didn’t start out as love letters, but looking back, that’s exactly what they were. Reflections on where I saw him moving in my life and my family’s life. I was in awe of things he was revealing to me and how he showed me time and time again how gentle he is. How much he loves his children.

My biggest fear had been that he would embarrass me, but it took me a minute to realize that was never his intention. His heart has always been so pure, and time and time again, he has shown me that nothing he has invited me to do has been to embarrass or was without merit.

So why did I stop? Why did I let myself get in the way when anytime I’ve followed his prompting it has been nothing but goodness and built up my faith or someone else’s?

So here is my first love letter to you in a long time.

A letter to say thank you for pursuing me. For loving me. For not giving up on me, even when I was/am distant and cold.

Thank you for loving my family and watching over them, sending angels to our home who fill it with worship and prayer.

Thank you for asking me to go deeper in my relationship and not keep it at surface level where it’s “comfortable” but not substantial. I want more and am not satisfied with where we are.

Thank you for walking alongside me as my family goes through an incredibly challenging season. Be my rock and my guide as we navigate the coming weeks and months because I don’t know how to walk through this valley and I have children to lead through it.

The word for this year was gratitude and it got lost along the way as I leaned on my own strength and only saw obstacles instead of opportunities. There was a spirit of negativity over me that you lifted and you have set my eyes where they rightly belong. Fill my heart with gratitude for the big and small things in my life. May I not take any of it for granted.

Continue to be my compass and point me in the direction I should go, then give me the faith to pursue that course.

With all my love,

Cathleen

I had been walking away from the house and praying when I felt prompted to turn back. I audibly gasped at this sight. Less than two minutes later and the sky was back to normal.