Sandwich Generation

"Sandwich Generation" refers to middle-aged adults who are simultaneously caring for their aging parents and their own children.

I thought being Gen-X was enough, but apparently it’s not.

I have added an additional generation to my repertoire - the sandwich one.

It is a blessing to have “aging parents” as not everyone is fortunate to have their parents live as long as mine have nor been as healthy as mine.

There have been small bouts of cancer, but fortunately nothing too serious. Small ailments here and there, but they take remarkably good care of themselves and strive to stay healthy.

It’s really incredible and because of that I always forget my parents are in their 80s.

Their 80s!

They just don’t seem to be, sorry to say this, but…old.

But they are.

And here we are.

This new generation hit me like a ton of bricks the other week when we received a diagnosis.

And I didn’t take it well.

I was watching my kids slide away in St. Louis when I took the call and heard the news.

It’s going to be okay, but at the same time it’s not.

And I broke down.

It hit me that how much more time I have with either of them is unknown.

It seems like there is so much to do, but yet at the same time, there is nothing to be done.

I feel helpless.

My siblings and I each approach challenging situations very differently.

For me, I have a stack of books I am either currently reading or listening to and I want to call everyone I know that’s worked in this field and find out every thing I need to know so we can game plan this out.

We’re going to cross all the t’s and dot all the i’s and everything will work out because we followed the plan.

Done.

But it doesn’t work like that.

Life doesn’t work like that.

This diagnosis certainly doesn’t work like that.

So I have to let go.

And pray.

Not for healing, but for calm and comfort in the midst of a storm that is possibly coming.

For clarity and rationality for the difficult decisions that will eventually need to be made.

For financial peace amid rising healthcare expenses and living expenses.

I remember my mom’s 4 sisters gathered together in my aunt’s Baton Rouge kitchen after my grandpa’s funeral. They gathered together and prayed before discussing his belongings because they knew even small decisions could carry huge emotional weight that carried the potential to sow division, and that’s the last thing the 5 of them wanted during that difficult time.

And so I pray, like my aunts did, for unity among my family. That as we progress down this road we are now on, that we have singleness of mind among us. That God’s presence is felt so strongly in our conversations, that even those who don’t believe feel His leading and His comfort.

I pray that I as an outspoken believer can carry His peace with me, not just to look the part to outsiders, but because I am going to need it.

This has wrecked me.

I have not talked about this with anyone except Justin because I can’t say the words.

Its been several weeks now and I still start to weep at the thought.

Even now as I type.

The weight of what may come scares me.

The loss grieves me.

It is a burden I do not feel like I can carry, but then I think of the song our dear friend Lydia sang recently at Salem Community Church:

So when I fight, I'll fight on my knees
With my hands lifted high
Oh God, the battle belongs to You
And every fear I lay at Your feet
I'll sing through the night
Oh God, the battle belongs to You

The battle does belong to Him. It’s not mine to fight. I am here to love and honor my parents for as long as I can to the best of my ability. And it may be hard, but God will equip me in my time of need. And I trust He will equip my family as well.

And through this all, I still have my kids to look after.

They will be right there with us, processing it in their individual ways.

Three generations, learning how to do this together, with me in the middle holding the tension between the two.

None of us have ever been here before, but here we are, walking through it as one.

So if you would, just say a prayer for my family family and for my Collett Crew family. We all need it.

And it won’t be tomorrow or the next day, but it’s coming and the weight of it feels heavy, so if you see me tearing up or not seeming like myself, this is probably why.

And if you ask, I’ll probably start to tear up, but that’s okay.

We all walk through hard things, I just didn’t expect it so soon or for it to look like it’s looking.

But here we are…so God, walk with us through challenging times and may we be examples of your unconditional love. May we carry your peace in to all circumstances. May we bring hope and light to situations that seem to be void of solutions. May we represent you in the joyful seasons and the seasons of sorrow. Be our strength, our comforter, and our steadfastness in the coming times.

Amen.

Prelude: As I read back through this I realize how much projection of the worst I am doing and I rebuke that. I am coming from a place of dread and worst case scenarios and that is not the posture I want to be taking. But in full transparency, I’m leaving it as it is to remind me down the road or in years looking back how I was feeling during this time. God, redirect my thoughts and my vision for the future. God, set my eyes on you and your work. Help me not to get ahead of myself and my family and forecast gloomy scenarios. Help me to see the opportunities that lie ahead and the moments of blessings that are waiting for us. Moments of redemption and restoration…of healing. Thank you for giving me this space to write and process my feelings and in doing so receive correction.