On The Stage
From the stage to on the stage.
In a church with thousands of people, I never in a million years excepted to be standing (or sitting) on the stage and talking to our church.
Justin?
I could see that.
Me?
Not a chance.
Nope.
Not in a million years.
I’d rather give birth without an epidural…
or maybe not…
But it’s funny how God works in our hearts and lives if we let Him.
So when Justin said we were asked to be on a panel to talk about co-groups and he said yes for us, I just nodded and said, “Okay.”
Because…why not?
The week leading up to the service, I could feel anxiety creeping in.
It had nothing to do with the topic and all to do with me and what people would think of me: How would I look under those lights? What does one wear on stage? How should I sit? Do I have anything to say that’s worth listening to?
I get it. It’s stupid and self-centered but tell me the same things wouldn’t cross your mind.
Funny how anxiety can get the best of us when all we’re thinking about is ourselves.
When my focus shifted to all we’ve been through with our co-group this past year, the anxiety disappeared.
Completely.
I still worried about how I’d do on stage because I didn’t want to let people who trusted us down and I didn’t want to say anything harmful or erroneous. But That’s a different type of concern.
But thinking about the many situations we’ve walked through, moved me.
It wasn’t just surface stuff either. It was deep. Life changing events that we were there for. That they were there for.
That morning, standing on the side of the stage worshipping, I took a breath and looked out at the audience.
It was a beautiful moment and the Holy Spirit showed up.
He asked me, “What do you see?”
What I saw was the humanity of the people in the room. People longing to be seen. To be heard. To matter. People who were hurting and desiring connection. People who wanted to belong and feel loved.
All God’s children.
And my heart went out to them.
I want that for them.
I want that for all of us.
Heck, I want that for myself!
And this sounds weird and I don’t want to share it, but I also want to remember it.
While standing there, God reminded me of the promise He made to me a few years back. It’s a promise that I mentioned in the last post that seems unattainable and I have no idea how or why it would ever come to pass, but I’m trusting the process. It is for something I would never desire for myself, but now that God has given me a vision of it, I can’t wait to see it happen.
It’s going to be wild!
Before we went back, I had a vision of my feet touching the stage and the step lighting up.
I felt Him saying that the first step onto the stage that Sunday was me stepping into what He has prepared for me.
It was the act of stepping out that was going to unlock something and be a step forward.
It was/is part of the process to get me to whatever He has next for me.
And those that know me know that this is not like me to say, but I left that stage with a different understanding of my authority and who I am as a leader.
I wish there had been time for us to talk for a whole hour on the importance of being in a co-group. Of what a difference these people have made in my walk and in Justin’s walk. Of the privilege it is to be there for people going through challenging times. Of the joy celebrating miracles, whether they are everyday miracles or “how in the world did that ever happen” kind of miracles.
So even though our time on stage was limited to one Sunday and one topic, Justin and I were honored to be asked and to be able to share just a sliver of what our experience has been.
I was even more humbled by the women who approached me afterwards and shared some of their stories with me.
What a gift each of you are.
So nothing has changed, yet it seems a whole lot has changed. And don’t worry, if we are to do this again, Aubyn had “notes” for us when we got off the stage.
It’s always nice to have that one child who will remind you of just how not awesome you are.
